Words often fail me, and there is not other way to describe how I feel than to turn to the lyrics of a song...when I don't know what to say I can usually find what I want to say in the lyrics of a song.
"Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go, so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one, and I know you can see right through me so let me go and you will find someone
Hear I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there`s just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
You are my only one"
This fight is all too familiar
It feels like the million we?ve had before
I don?t see it ending differently
I don?t see you ever being who you promised me
you would be
I tried. I failed.
I can?t keep it together
You want me to change
I tried ? I changed.
And now you don?t like the real me
So here I sit with all this regret
With all this pain
Hoping it?s not contagious
That it won?t spread to them
Because they deserve better
You don?t get to love me just because I left
The only fear you have
Is being alone
They say that trust has to be earned. Earned how exactly? By loving someone unconditionally? By being there and being supportive of them every step of the way? But what if the same person that you love unconditionally will NEVER trust you? What if you trusted them completely only to be told you are untrustworthy? What would you do?
I have deliberated for years on whether or not being a Paralegal/Legal Assistant/Litigation Assistant was really what I wanted to do. I wasn’t sure if this was something I chose because it appeared to be lucrative, or if I really truly enjoyed doing what I do. I needed to answer this question before I could answer the more pressing question, which was, do I really want to take this as far as it will go, or do I need to choose something else?
I’ve had loads of people tell me that this is what I was meant to do, born to do. I’ll admit that part of the reason I like is because it comes so easily to me. I’ll admit that part of the daily grind is endless reading followed by even more endless regurgitation of information, both in written and verbal formats. When I first declared my major in college, I immediately immersed myself in the first internship I could find, and I loved every minute I spent at that internship, I loved that I was helping people. I knew right away that I would have to go into Plaintiffs work. I had to fight for what was right. Well that only lasted less than a year. I realized that most “Plaintiffs” are milking the system and the ones that are truly, honestly hurt or damaged usually get nothing, or little to nothing. So began my career in defense work, I was immediately engaged. No longer did I dread going into work, but initially I thought it was only because I bored so easily, so easily. I also thought that part of the problem was that the Plaintiffs office I worked in was it’s own particular brand of hell. Filled with a few kind, warm faces, however overshadowed by wretched, egomaniacal, lazy untrustworthy snakes.
So my journey took me to challenges I never thought I’d see, I met a slew of wonderful people along the way. To my disdain, the more I talked to people who had taken their careers “all the way” were miserable. Instead of the sing-song encouragement of “you should go to Law School.” I heard “Don’t do it!” paired with a few “I can’t believe I actually paid this much to be this miserable.” I started to believe that I would never be happy as an attorney. I started to believe everyone regretted the decision to go to law school, only to be stuck in a career they hate. I decided right then that I would never go to law school, I would not be that miserable. Besides, law school was always a pipe dream, one in which I am sure if I was ever able to actually do it, I would go into so much debt I’d never ever be able to have any amount of worth period. But recently this has all changed...
Most of you know my career path took a huge detour, when I accepted a position as a Legal Secretary to spend more time with the kids, but after only working there a little over three months, I was already performing duties well beyond a Legal Secretary (although I am quickly learning that some Legal Secretaries do it all, Litigation Coordination, Paralegal, Secretarial work - I mean they do it all). So as I work more and more here at this firm, I am realizing something - not all attorneys are miserable, some really enjoy what they do for a living – so maybe I could to. I’m not running out to apply just yet, but the option is definitely back on the table.
Disclaimer: I usually don't post anything that I haven't fact checked - but I have been putting off this post for too long now. And I promised Mizpah [ @MizpahMijares ] I would post it months ago.
I fully expect some comments - maybe some debunking the facts in this posting or maybe even some validating them. Here it is:
A professor at the City College Of New York(CCNY) for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression "going bananas" is from the effects of bananas on the brain.
Read on:
Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure, so much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on your shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit!!!
This was originally written not to be read by you but a criminal justice scholar, bear that in mind please.
Our country is in an economic crisis. Various states, including California, are facing law enforcement budget cuts. These cuts lead to layoffs which take law enforcement off the streets, cutting hours, cutting resources and leaving an opening for government to being to appear powerless.[1] When government begins to appear powerless, crime appears to escalate. Would-be criminals of a former time, with the knowledge that less law enforcement agents are on the job, become more brazen and commit crimes. The severity of crimes is doomed to increase. The future of criminal justice in this nation looks bleak. Peter Scharf, a criminologist at Tulane University in New Orleans believes that outsourcing criminal justice to the general public is the answer.[2] Throughout history, law enforcement has relied on the layperson to provide “tips” that provide information for solving murders, robberies, and kidnappings. The popular organization Crime Stoppers USA boasts that the tips its organization has received has lead to 493,369 arrests.[3] Organizations such as these have become more increasingly archaic. Not many people in my generation want to pick up a telephone and wait on hold. We want instant results, instant gratification, and we want to do it on the fly, while we check our emails and text message our friends. Law enforcement agencies around the nation have begun to realize this. With the passing of Meghan’s Law we now receive updates on Highway signs alerting us to be on the lookout for a missing child, often times providing us with a description of the vehicle and/or suspect involved in the kidnapping. We are all advised to call 911 from our cell phones if we spot a drunk driver on the roadways. While these are great examples of law enforcement “getting with the times,” the answer, is to look no further than your own fingers. The most innovative way law enforcement has sought and will continue to seek our assistance is through social media networking sites.[4]
We were all introduced to Social Media years ago with such websites as Myspace[5] and YouTube.[6] Following closely in their footsteps Facebook[7] and Twitter[8] emerged.[9] The Social Media websites allow their users to connect and network with friends, colleagues, former classmates, and people you will never meet outside of the virtual world. Through the use of Twitter Alarms,[10] law enforcement can reach thousands of people within a matter of minutes. In the future, all law enforcement agencies will be online and tweeting to the community at large they have sworn to serve. In less than five years, I predict that social media will be the equivalent to having ten full time detectives and they provide the potential for the layperson to police their own neighborhoods. Future law enforcement officers will rely on the layperson and our societal obsession with social media networking websites. Social media provides a platform that will make reporting crime fast, easy and fun, as well as bonding our communities to take action to prevent and stop crime from happening.
Social media has already proved to be resourceful in solving crimes and in preventing them. In 2006 Canadian police used YouTube to help bring in tips to help solve a murder. The police posted video from a surveillance camera taken at a nightclub where a man was fatally stabbed. After the video was posted and viewed over 30,000 times, the suspect (seen in the surveillance video) turned himself in. Law enforcement in Canada stated that they have “little doubt that the extra media generated by the use of YouTube contributed the fact that [the suspect] turned himself in.”[11] Personally, if I saw a video of myself perpetrating a crime going viral[12] on the internet, I would run to the nearest police station too. It would only be a matter of time before someone else turned you in.
What was coined the “first Facebook arrest” occurred in New Zealand in January of 2009. The would-be criminal attempted to crack open a safe of the Frankton Arms Tavern. Police in New Zealand posted pictures of the suspect in newspapers and on news websites, to no avail. What ultimately brought the needed tips for identification came from the taverns Facebook Fan Page.[13] Kristen Nicole (2009) a blogger for the website AllFacebook.com believes that Facebook provides a representation of the physical community even outside of the virtual realm, this “ready-made community makes dissemination of information that much easier.” Facebook, like its competitors MySpace, YouTube and Twitter were developed to allow people to connect. However, Facebook has an innovative platform that allows patrons of business to connect via each business’ Fan Page. Those that had become Fans of the tavern no doubt would be able to recognize the picture of the suspect, especially when law enforcement knew it was a crime by someone who knew the place well. As a resident of a small town, I have already become a fan of any business within a ten miles radius, including the local feed store. I can stay in touch with my community without having to venture any further than my computer.
Through YouTube law enforcement was able to post video of a suspect and in turn prosecute that suspect. Facebook was able to rally patrons of a burglarized tavern and solve the mystery of who the suspect was on the surveillance pictures. While both of those sites provide an invaluable resource to law enforcement, the “buzz” around social media and technology in general is about “real time.” Now more than ever people want to know what is happening the second it happens. Social Media has a new addition that is already making this happen. Welcome, Twitter. In Milwaukee, Wisconsin law enforcement turned to Twitter to help solve a murder that had just occurred. The tweet read: "Latest homicide in the city is NOT a random act. Male, 33, shot in 1500 block N. 39. More details as we have them."[14] Law enforcement has found Twitter to be a useful tool to get “real time” updates to the public. Utilizing Twitter to “to alert people to traffic disruptions, to explain why police are in a certain neighborhood or to offer crime prevention tips.”[15] But law enforcement is also using them for more urgent matters such as bomb scares, wildfires, and school lockdowns. Anne E. Schwartz, a spokesperson for Milwaukee police says the site is a valuable resource to the entire department. The reasoning and logic are simple; Milwaukee police are attempting to disseminate information in a venue where people are already going to get information.[16]
USA Today writer John Martin wrote an article on law enforcement’s utilization of social media networking websites. Police in Baltimore have the right attitude when it comes to social media. Baltimore Police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi was quoted in this article as saying “I just think if we put out information like that, it encourages people to reciprocate and contact us with information they might have."[17] It’s not just Baltimore and Milwaukee that have come to understand the crime fighting benefits of these sites. South Dakota’s Public Safety Department, the Police Department in Dalton, Georgia, and even the San Rafael Police Department are on Twitter[18] [19] Social Media is providing a platform that no amount of community outreach can ever hope to. Community outreach in this decade means you have access to a computer or cell phone.
Social media is a valuable resource to solving crimes that have already occurred. What about preventing crimes from occurring? With the help of social media, residents in a working-class town of Cudahy, Wisconsin, did just that. Residents began noticing a trend of having their stolen garage door openers and the culprits returning later to steal the contents of their garages, in response, the citizens of Cudahy formed a Neighborhood Watch Group. They armed themselves with flashlights, cell phones, and Twitter. They created Twitter Alarms. With four letters, “BOLO” an acronym for “be on the lookout” instantly alerted the entire neighborhood that suspicious activity was spotted and to be on alert. It took these civilian crime fighters three weeks to effectively deter the garage robbers in their neighborhood.[20]
Law enforcement around the country has begun to embrace the social media revolution and is using it to fight crime. The future of crime fighting is upon us, through the revolution of social media networking sites. Eventually, all law enforcement agencies will embrace the use of social media in combating crime. An informed public is a public ready to combat crime and help deter it. The general (albeit law abiding) public has an interest, nay - an outright obsession, with keeping safe that which they hold dear. Many feel they now have the tools through social networking websites to help themselves, and everything they hold dear, safe. As I type this inside the safe confine of my own home, I can log into a website and see the entire perimeter of my home streaming live through surveillance cameras. This surveillance video, could, if necessary, greatly assist law enforcement in catching anyone attempting to break into my home. I have active Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and YouTube accounts that I check regularly. At last count, Facebook had over twenty million active users. That doesn’t count the endless businesses that have pages you can become fans of, the groups you can become a part of.
These websites provide more information than any informant. Forget about National Crime Databases with mug shots of potential suspects, a quick search of Facebook or MySpace will lead to the intimate details of each of its users, equipped with several different pictures of not only the user but the users friends, family and children. You can find out all of the users favorite places to eat, drink, or hang out. Some users are even brazen enough to post affiliations with gangs or illicit drug use. Social media is the future of crime fighting, but a different type of crime fighting, one that relies on each individual citizen to be accountable, assist law enforcement and warn others in their community of danger. Social Media is Crime Fighting 2.0, the second generation, infused with technology.
Epilogue: I was inspired to write this when I started seeing a slew of tweets on my stream notifying me of a Meghan’s Law alert. Suddenly I didn’t have to be in car to see the highway signs, I could be in the parking lot at work or in the comfort of my home, not that I would do in any good in helping to locate the kidnapped child, but I most certainly could “ReTweet” it in hopes that someone else that could help might see it. I realized then that these social media websites have the potential not only to inform the public at large, but to keep them safe. To potentially save lives, to give the law abiding citizens of this nation the ability to stand up and stop crime. After I read Peter Shrag’s California: America’s High Stakes Experiment I began to realize that we all need to get involved. The solution to crime is community involvement, which social media provides. I honestly believe that social media can and will work for a greater good.
I accidently went to tan and had only brought my bottle of Gourgeous Gams. I wasn't about to pay full retail price for another sample packet so I just used it all over my entire body. I look like I just walked off a beach in Tahiti. Seriously, it worked great everywhere! I might just switch altogether.
I have a crowd that I only just became a part of, for the sake of sparing them, I’m not naming names. Since our friendship began various different individual have made off collar comments regarding the new administration, the new administration’s race, women, children, and even God. It usual plays out something like this: friend 1, who I will call Bob makes a off collar joke or comment and friend 2 who I will call Joe makes a point to apologize to me[1] for this off collar comment. It never fails! Well today, it failed! You see, Joe[2], while re-telling a tale about a knock –down-drag-out-fight he had with some prick earlier this week. He loudly and repeated tells how he told the (I can’t even type the word, but I have to) “F@88%t” that he was going to through him through a window. Now why I am so offended by this word? I say Goddamnit! Constantly! I was startled every time I heard it said and felt like someone had just thrown out the f-bomb in the middle of mass. I was embarrassed for them…and it took me literally hearing it used three or four times before I finally said something. Even then I could only muster “I hate that word.” I know I should have said more. I should have said, “Why would you bring someone’s sexual preference into the equation?” or “Is being gay really a bad thing?” They all know who they are and one of them (who BTW did not use this word) even reads this my blog religiously…so I know it will get out there that I was offended.
What I can’t wrap my head around is: Why am I so offended? I’m straight as an arrow! I very dear friend of mine recently remarked that one of her favorite things about me is my compassion. Doesn’t this go far beyond compassion?
[1] Not in front of Bob--of course!
[2] Joe is normally the one friend who apologizes for everyone, often even himself, and for things as minor as cursing.