I accidently went to tan and had only brought my bottle of Gourgeous Gams. I wasn't about to pay full retail price for another sample packet so I just used it all over my entire body. I look like I just walked off a beach in Tahiti. Seriously, it worked great everywhere! I might just switch altogether.
I have a crowd that I only just became a part of, for the sake of sparing them, I’m not naming names. Since our friendship began various different individual have made off collar comments regarding the new administration, the new administration’s race, women, children, and even God. It usual plays out something like this: friend 1, who I will call Bob makes a off collar joke or comment and friend 2 who I will call Joe makes a point to apologize to me[1] for this off collar comment. It never fails! Well today, it failed! You see, Joe[2], while re-telling a tale about a knock –down-drag-out-fight he had with some prick earlier this week. He loudly and repeated tells how he told the (I can’t even type the word, but I have to) “F@88%t” that he was going to through him through a window. Now why I am so offended by this word? I say Goddamnit! Constantly! I was startled every time I heard it said and felt like someone had just thrown out the f-bomb in the middle of mass. I was embarrassed for them…and it took me literally hearing it used three or four times before I finally said something. Even then I could only muster “I hate that word.” I know I should have said more. I should have said, “Why would you bring someone’s sexual preference into the equation?” or “Is being gay really a bad thing?” They all know who they are and one of them (who BTW did not use this word) even reads this my blog religiously…so I know it will get out there that I was offended.
What I can’t wrap my head around is: Why am I so offended? I’m straight as an arrow! I very dear friend of mine recently remarked that one of her favorite things about me is my compassion. Doesn’t this go far beyond compassion?
[1] Not in front of Bob--of course!
[2] Joe is normally the one friend who apologizes for everyone, often even himself, and for things as minor as cursing.
The sun has finally started shining and I had forgotten how much I missed it! Perhaps because I have spent the better part of the winter escaping the rain and cold in the solace of an indoor tanning bed. If you've seen me lately, I know what you're thinking. "But you aren't tan!" Turns out all my trips to the tanning salon have really been just a mood booster. I have gotten zero color. So three weeks ago I resolved to fix this! After consulting with my fellow sun worshippers I decided a change in accelerators was in order. I have to go on record as saying I love tanning lotion. Seriously, just another excuse to but yet another product. I also just love lotion period. I apply lotion daily head to 
toe and sometimes more than once a day. I go in spurts...Figi, Australian Gold, California Tan, now I am in love with Designer Skin. I started using it because a large portion of their lotion contain silicone, what they call a "silicone emulsion." I used Believe when I tanned at the peeping tom salon over on La Riveria (more about that another time) I started using Spellbound because prior to actually tanning it smells a lot like Ralph Lauren Romance. Well obviously it wasn't working. So I tried something the bronzed, rail-thin, drop-dead gorgeous gal behind the recommended. Specifically made to get you to a fast-acting bronzed glow for a special occasion. It's called Golden Ceremony. The best part of this lotion is that it smells so good post-tan, ds calls this scent Summer Starfruit and I can atest to the summer part, however I'm not so sure what starfruit is. Unlike the Spellbound that does not smell so good once you've tanned (or maybe it's just me). When I told her that my legs never tan she was kind enough to recomme
nd a sassy hot pink bottle with an even sassier name Gorgeous Gams. It smells okay, DS calls this particular scent candied fig. And aside from the glitter, yes they put glitter in it, stripperrific! I love it! Gorgeous Gams works just as they said it would. My legs are finally getting color. Yippee. Now the bad part, I came home to research if Gams came without the stripperific glitter only to find I could buy it online at half the price that I just paid! Damn! Don't make my mistake, I know I will be purchasing Golden Ceremony online, maybe here: http://megatanninglotionstore.com/designer-skin.html
Boke (adj.) [bouhk]: you know when you put on the sunglasses and then you smelly and it’s nasty that is boke.
Think I’m crazy yet? My daughter let me in on this new hip and trendy word. All the kids at the nursery are saying it. Maybe you still don’t get it…let me provide you with a few examples she laid on my just today:
“That smell boke!”
“Momma, the boke is nasty!”
“That’s boke!”
Still don’t get it? Neither do I. But it apparently is the next generations favorite slang word. What does it mean? I’m guessing it derived from broke…maybe joke, smoke, or coke. I let you know if I ever figure it out!
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
--Oscar Wilde, in The Importance of Being Earnest
Catching someone in a lie comes easy to the trained and quick witted. I am neither of those. However, I am gullible and overly trusting. To this day I am shocked when people are caught in lies. We all tell them. I lie about a few choice things: my weight, my age, and well I guess I should stop there. When does a lie cross into the threshold of no longer being harmless? I am a terrible liar, I giggle nervously, pause or over-explain, I can’t just lie, and it’s written on all over my face. My husband knows the minute I lie, or even omit certain facts. So why do I even do it? Are lies more convenient? Do they make us feel better? Safer? The truth is never simple; the truth is never “the whole truth.” We omit certain things, cut it down to a reader’s digest version, and viola! our version of the truth emerges.
After working in the legal industry for over eight years, I can say that a person is more likely to lie to you than they are to tell the truth. I have witnessed incredible feats of lying. I’m sure you don’t find this surprising…what is surprising is that I never see it coming. I honestly believe that if someone would go as far as to initiate litigation they have a viable, and honest claim. Enter gullible! You would think that I would become immune to it…that I would be skeptical. I don’t operate that way, I lie to myself (which is probably the worse lie to tell) and believe that people are generally good and honest. Why would anyone try to profit from lies?
--Oscar Wilde, in The Importance of Being Earnest
Catching someone in a lie comes easy to the trained and quick witted. I am neither of those. However, I am gullible and overly trusting. To this day I am shocked when people are caught in lies. We all tell them. I lie about a few choice things: my weight, my age, and well I guess I should stop there. When does a lie cross into the threshold of no longer being harmless? I am a terrible liar, I giggle nervously, pause or over-explain, I can’t just lie, and it’s written on all over my face. My husband knows the minute I lie, or even omit certain facts. So why do I even do it? Are lies more convenient? Do they make us feel better? Safer? The truth is never simple; the truth is never “the whole truth.” We omit certain things, cut it down to a reader’s digest version, and viola! our version of the truth emerges.
After working in the legal industry for over eight years, I can say that a person is more likely to lie to you than they are to tell the truth. I have witnessed incredible feats of lying. I’m sure you don’t find this surprising…what is surprising is that I never see it coming. I honestly believe that if someone would go as far as to initiate litigation they have a viable, and honest claim. Enter gullible! You would think that I would become immune to it…that I would be skeptical. I don’t operate that way, I lie to myself (which is probably the worse lie to tell) and believe that people are generally good and honest. Why would anyone try to profit from lies?
Thirty things I want to do before I turn 30:
1. Run a marathon completely in less than nine hours.
UPDATE: Haven't starting training yet.
2. Take a trip to Vegas.
UPDATE: Planned.
3. Write a complete fiction novel.
UPDATE: Oh I need to start this.
4. Decide what I want to be when I grow up.
UPDATE: Not yet.
5. See Paris at Sunset.
UPDATE: I think it's Egypt now.
6. Watch the sun set in Maui with my husband and my children.
UPDATE: Wow 0 for 6
7. Read the entire Jodi Picoult collection.
UPDATE: I'm half way done.
8. Spend a week in New York.
UPDATE: Ugg!
9. Obtain a higher degree.
UPDATE: One semester away.
10. Remodel my home.
UPDATE: Not happening.
11. Convert to Catholicism.
UPDATE: Oh I got this one! Not officially but I am doing Lent.
12. Start my own website, have my own website.
UPDATE: Umm does this count?
13. Volunteer for a campaign I believe in.
UPDATE: I did this one!
14. Be able to Google my name and find an article which depicts me as a courageous humanitarian.
UPDATE: Maybe 40
15. Sky dive with my husband.
UPDATE: planned.
16. Achieve and maintain my ideal weight for two years.
UPDATE: Ideal...ha!
17. Get 100% out of debt.
UPDATE: When I wrote this list our economy was not in the crapper, crossing this one off my list for good.
18. Teach my daughter to read.
UPDATE: We are working on it.
19. Learn the game of soccer.
UPDATE: Did it!
20. Grow a vineyard in my back acre.
UPDATE: Irrigation in.
21. Learn to speak fluent Russian.
UPDATE: none
22. Come to terms with and accept myself for who I am completely and whole heartedly.
UPDATE: I think I am almost there.
23. Redo my wedding photographs.
UPDATE: Can't find them.
24. Learn to Scrapbook.
UPDATE: I'm so over this.
25. Take my mother on a vacation to an island.
UPDATE: I really need to do this one.
26. Take a hot air balloon ride.
UPDATE: What a dreamer I was.
27. Teach my daughter the importance of giving back.
UPDATE: Successful! She is such a giving person.
28. Teach my daughter how to laugh at yourself and keep you dignity.
UPDATE: Done!
29. Find my purpose in life.
UPDATE: I found it: My daughter.
30. Create a foundation for the next thirty years
UPDATE: I'm not sure what I meant by this?
Have I told you all what a genius I married? Seriously -- my husband is a genius! He fixed my iPhone so well that it looks like it never was broken! Thank you Hon! You're brilliant!
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